the beautiful game

football. i love this game. it reminds me of life. unpredictablility and surprises. the rich versus the not so. passion versus money. david vs goliath. and football is the torch of the fight against racism.

my team, arsenal played spurs last night. arch rivals. the game finishes at 4-4; 2 goals in the last 3 minutes sealed a draw for spurs. it was hearbreaking to see we drew at the very last seconds of the game.

but hey, thats life. one can never be sure of anything but be very sure of surprises that will happens along the way.

socrates said thousands of years ago, that the world is in constant flux; that nothing is for certain and take nothing for granted.

granted; cause life will always does that to you.

manzek

turmoil

turmoil. the word i've heard so many times over the past few weeks.

majority of it financial and economy. it affects the mass more but there is a turmoil that everybody feels and its called mental and emotional turmoil.

which determines what? does the strength of mind controls the emotion or otherwise? do we homo sapiens have the ability to control both? i would love to think that but its just ain't so.

i have control over my thoughts but not what i fell. i can choose to think positively but i can never forced myself to feel happy. one can never fool themselves; not even once.

our humanistic structure is such that the first thing that happens when a news is given affects how you feel not cognitively. that is immediate and pure. there's no such thing as 'i don't know how to feel after hearing this'; this sentence is used normally to control our emotion and after our mind takes control over what we felt.

my dominant heart tells me to take this turmoil somewhere else but my mind is struggling to control it and be strong.

i'd love to follow what i feel in the same breath as i'd love to munch chocolate all day long; but like chocolate, indulging in it too much would mean certain death. i'd settle for my thoughts for now.

like my friend La Bruyere said, its a tragedy if you feel, but a comedy if you think.

conundrum of causality

i don't know what to feel or how to feel in this state of mine. i'm in this transitional process; waiting for something to be official but at the same time on the verge of leaving behind present time; as been told as an idea.

quite easy but difficult. easy coz leaving things always does but hard coz not knowing for sure where to.

i'm in a conundrum of causality.

a cause in which have taken me into this state of nowhere.

i was so sure about life before; well i guess life have knocked me to the side of the road and left me wandering.

its better to be certain about life and then fail than being unsure and ambiguous and achieve nothing.

i dont like the question 'what if' as 'what if' will only takes us to a series of unanswerable questions. no firm direction.

passion

passion moves people

passion moves brands

and passion is the number quality in any company.

is it?

passion can drive people to kill people: crime of passion

passion can lead to unwanted, unprotected intercourse/ sex: hot passionate

and being passionate can be mistaken for being stubborn.

being passionate is the ultimate inner state to be in any kind of situation.

really?

it mystifies me to find passionate people being sidelined to give way for PR and realistic individuals.

it had rocked my core believe that passion is the number one quality to find in any being; as it is listed as the number one element in this company of mine.

is the world we live in changed dramatically over the exposure of reality series, framed news, MTV, E! that the very nature of humanistic character is being re-defined and accepted?

i do hope that i'm right about this that nothing else matter than being passionate people; if i'm wrong then let me be wrong cause i would'nt want to live in a world full of realistic individuals who feed on liars, hyprocrites and statistics.

things can never be the same again

one thing that doesn't change is change itself.

everything else does, but change is constant.

change is tough and difficult but by adapting to it, is what makes us alive and kickin.

it challenges us to look 360 degrees and mould those new elements into new surroundings.

change is a must but don't change just for the sake of changing.

my current organization is undergoing changes; major one that would involve almost everyone. some secrets are out, others yet to be unfold and told. this idea of change have been affecting people to a certain degree; where am i going, whats the new strategy, whose the new boss, etc. whether its healthy, i don't know but it certainly had made everybody on their feet all the time.

the world is changing economically and economy changes everything; people, countries and life itself. on this note major companies are undergoing this phase of re structuring.

it can never be the same again; here.

sketching

i had wanted to re capture my childhood hobby; painting. have been thinking about buying paint brush, canvas, colouring tools etc for a few weeks now and i hope this weekend i would be able to do it.

i'm all into abstract; it requires you to put an extra effort cognitively and the freedom of expression infinitely.

some people say that painting, drawing is a good treatment for the soul; it also serves as a historical artifact in which we could pin point the exact emotional situation when we draw it.

roots of tragedy.

the roots of tragedy comes from the ignorence of the roots itself.

we like to see the destruction of people more than we want to see someone's happy. tragedy sells more than happy endings. nirvana sells more records after the death of kurt cobain; dark knight movie review gained more attention than hurricane katrina after the passing of heath ledger. and so on... james dean, marilyn monroe, mona fandey...

the current administration of the government headed by mr nice guy deserved this accolates as well. every muthu, ali, and ah chong wanted to see this guy fail; and fail miserably. misery came and he's a hero again.

he is a man of whom seems to be the type of guy just next door, nice, accomodating, frank and pious. but he is also oblivious to the truth and the truth is that he's lost touch on the root in which all of his values as a leader built upon. he got lost in the light and surrounded by liars and accommodaters of whom only think about themselves. its ok to be surrounded by these people as the social contruct of society needs them to be like that, but its not ok to leave decision making policies to them; its like leaving candy to a 2 year old. messy.

same goes in any framework of social network such as a community and an organization; leaders must not get off touch with the bottom and middle root of the hierarchical chart in which the performance and core bussiness lies with.

like i said, people like to see the idea of tragedy unfold in front of their eyes and being sympathetic at the same time.

dont lose touch with the roots and fundamental elements accross our lives; be it culturally, socially, and profesionally. as history tells you, the root of tragedy comes from the ignorence of the root itself.

thank you for smoking

my brain is trying to think of something to write today.. it's buzzing with global warming, smoking, the fact that the glazier is melting faster than the seconds ticking, that now i can see genting highland from afar during daytime (yes, you can practically see the first world hotel from the puchong toll) and review on al gore's docu An Inconvenient Truth... but i guess i'm just gonna let Linkin Park sing it for all of us... the title up there has got a lil bit to do with all this, and its actually from one of the best written movie i have seen...

let me be an activist freak today... at least i can tell those green loving people, politicians and my future offsprings that i have done my part in spreading the message...

In this farewell
There's no blood
There's no alibi
Cause I've drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies
So let mercy come
And wash away
What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands
Of uncertainty
So let mercy come
And wash away
What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
For what I've done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I'm forgiving what I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
What I've done
Forgiving what I've done

i fell in love with its lyrics, song and video clip the first time around and 2 years after that, i the song still captivate me and it has given me new perspective towards environment.

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'With Money You Can Buy A House But Not A Home.With Money You Can Buy A Clock But Not Time. With Money You Can Buy A Bed But Not Sleep. With Money You Can Buy A Book But Not Knowledge. With Money You Can See A Doctor But Not Good Health. With Money You Can Buy A Position But Not Respect. With Money You Can Buy Blood But Not A Life. With Money You Can Buy Sex But Not Love.'
-Chinese Proverb-

whats happiness to you when you dont know pain?

these last few weeks have been by far the most dramatic moments of my life; not physically but more emotionally.

i have never thought that i could feel a bone crushing sense when i was told of a certain news.

that is not what i want to write here.

it made me think; that life is such an adventure, a roller coster of mix feelings and that what makes it more fullfilling.

i felt every sense of pain and that makes me more human than ever. its astounding how pain can rejuvenate one's perspective towards life.

pain makes you think; pain makes you feel; and pain makes you more ambitious than ever.

in contrast, happiness makes you dull; it makes you weak and it makes you content.

whats happiness to you when you dont know the sense of pain?

pain makes me want to leap into a blue ocean and ditch those enviromental determinism factor that had consumed me terribly.

how should i then re invent myself?

raya's over; back to the game.

raya went pass by so quickly... here i find myself back in my 5 ft x 6 cubicle, in front of this slow and limited space pc, trying to find my way back into this programming game that had consumed so many lives...

do i want to do it all over again? consider this; after spending 2 years working my ass up and down, week in week out filled with scars from the weekly meetings over this nielsen's creation of trying to get into the heads of people, then painstakingly achieving the target set not yearly, not twice a year, but right after you have achieved the first target then comes the next one; suddenly you are in this situation where you've been given something else, quite new and a gift of questioning your own state of capability. would i do it all over again?

you bet.

there's nothing like programming. nothing. the game requires you to be on your best every time; even when times are bad, you have to summoned your inner best character to deal with it.

programming is all about managing; managing expectations, managing strategies, managing pr, managing marketing, managing people and managing yourself.

i might be doing something else than managing channel but im still within the game of programming; and more. i am both excited and fear for the future. but fear for me is an injection of 'pre-emptive' medicine.

i believe in the grand scheme of things, i have a part to play though its not what i had wanted, it might turn out to be the best outcome for all.